You may want to sit down for this one.
I'm not sure I even know how to kick this one off besides just diving right in.
Let me set the stage: 11:00 at the wellness company. Time for the "Team Meeting". In typical fashion, I amble in to the meeting room at the last possible second, nursing my 3rd cup of free break room coffee and a super-wonderful three-day back spasm.
As I'm settling in and fiddling with the 1,200 settings on the chair that must have been reset to fit a Leprechaun by the previous occupant, I notice a little vial of something in the center of the table.
"What the hell is this?" I ask my coworker, skeptically and curiously picking it up.
"Oh....wait.....you haven't....seen that yet?" he cautiously replies in a tone that suggests he knows exactly what I'm going to think about it. Side note: My coworkers have discovered I can have a wee bit of a curmudgeonly side.
Like the way your knee jerks when the doctor hits it with that little rubber triangle, my mouth involuntarily opened and "You have to be shitting me" just fell right out (not that I could have...or would have...stopped it anyway)..
What it was was a vial of mystery fluid called Grounding Blend.
What's "Grounding Blend"? I'm glad you asked.
It seems it's an essential component of something known as a Centering Activity.
What's a "Centering Activity"? Well, let me tell you! I work at a wellness company, after all.
A Centering Activity, according to my interpretation of the laminated card that was sitting there and explains it, is quite possibly the most bizarre experience I could ever imagine happening in an office setting (outside of wandering into a group of Yogis doing 108 sun salutations on the office patio).
Apparently, if you want to have a really great meeting in Room 507, you need to spritz a "fine mist to inhale" (I'm going to gloss right over that softball), then follow it up with some extremely awkward breathing and letting go of things-type moments.
"Expand your ribs....Fill up your collarbones.....Release something...(like your dignity).
Now slowly blink your eyes and let's float through that hour-long weekly status discussion!"
I didn't even care one bit that my coworker was mid-sentence about something. I just jetted right out of there to my desk to grab my phone. I had to get pictures (lest someone thinks I could make this stuff up).
You're welcome for the laughs.
p.s. - The "let's be clear I'm being funny here" disclaimer. Most people reading this know me and know where I work, but for career posterity, I covered up the name in the photo. See, I like my company. It does great things for lots of people, and I like my role here. I may not personally be "into" yoga and some of these holistic types of things, but I can appreciate them. They really help some people out. If nothing else, I appreciate them for the little chuckle they give me.