Happy Halloween

In the process of flinging Twixes and Twizzlers at the Trick-or-Treating kids, I glanced out at the street and noticed the UPS truck rolling by.

Talk about a horrifying Halloween.

I can't imagine steering a delivery truck around with a thousand kids running around everywhere in the dark streets.

But you want to know what's worse? Dealing with one chowderhead after another all day long and their "Sweet Costume Kid!" every time you deliver a package. It's almost as funny as my coworkers that say "Sweet Costume, Dave!" when I show up in the same khakis and flannel combination that I've worn to work for 12,000 days in a row.

"Hey thanks! I'm dressed as a guy that's about to rip your mouse pad in half for talking to me before coffee #2".

Anyway, I wonder how many UPS guys are three sheets to the wind right now hating all of humanity. I sure as hell would be. Right after I got fired for drop-kicking some jokester's October Cheese of the Month box.

Speaking of half-assed attempts at humor: I want to know who the wise guy in our neighborhood is that aged Cadbury Creme Eggs for 7 months to give to the kids. 

Nothing says "Happy Halloween" like saying "Happy Easter"! Must have run out of candy canes.

On to November.

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